9 posts tagged “work”
This is a good tale to remember when life is throwing you lemons. It got me through many very rough periods in my life. 20+ years after it was first given to me, I consider myself to be living proof that its morale is accurate.
from “Tales of the Dervishes – Teaching Stories of the Sufi Masters over the Past Thousand Years”, by Idries Shah
Once in a city in the Farthest West there lived a girl called Fatima. She was the daughter of a prosperous spinner. One day her father said to her: “Come, daughter; we are going on a journey, for I have business in the islands of the Middle Sea. Perhaps you may find some handsome youth in a good situation whom you could take as a husband.”
They set off and traveled from island to island, the father doing his trading while Fatima dreamt of the husband who might be hers. One day, however, they were on the way to Crete when a storm blew up, and the ship was wrecked. Fatima, only half-conscious, was cast up on the seashore near Alexandria. Her father was dead, and she was utterly destitute.
She could only remember dimly her life until then, for her experience of the shipwreck, and her exposure in the sea, had utterly exhausted her.
While she was wandering on the sands, a family of cloth-makers found her. Although they were poor, they took her into their humble home and taught her their craft. Thus it was that she made a second life for herself, and within a year or two she was happy and reconciled to her lot. But one day, when she was on the seashore for some reason, a band of slave-traders landed and carried her, along with other captives, away with them.
Although she bitterly lamented her lot, Fatima found no sympathy from the slavers, who took her to Istanbul and sold her as a slave.
Her world had collapsed for the second time. Now it chanced that there were few buyers at the market. One of them was a man who was looking for slaves to work in his wood yard, where he made masts for ships. When he saw the dejection of the unfortunate Fatima, he decided to buy her, thinking that in this way, at least, he might be able to give her a slightly better life than if she were bought by someone else.
He took Fatima to his home, intending to make her a serving maid for his wife. When he arrived at the house, however, he found that he had lost all his money in a cargo which had been captured by pirates. He could not afford workers, so he, Fatima and his wife were left alone to work at the heavy labor of making masts.
Fatima, grateful to her employer for rescuing her, worked so hard and so well that he gave her her freedom, and she became his trusted helper. Thus it was that she became comparatively happy in her third career.
One day he said to her: “Fatima, I want you to go with a cargo of shops’ masts to Java, as my agent, and be sure that you sell them at a profit.”
She set off, but when the ship was off the coast of China, a typhoon wrecked it, and Fatima found herself again cast up on the seashore of a strange land. Once again she wept bitterly, for she felt that nothing in her life was working in accordance with expectation. Whenever things seemed to be going well, something came and destroyed all her hopes.
“Why is it”, she cried out, for the third time, “that whenever I try to do something it comes to grief? Why should so many unfortunate things happen to me?” But there was no answer. So she picked herself up from the sand, and started to walk inland.
Now it so happened that nobody in China had heard of Fatima, or knew anything about her troubles. But there was a legend that a certain stranger, a woman, would one day arrive there, and that she would be able to make a tent for the Emperor. And, since there was as yet nobody in China who could make tents, everyone looked upon the fulfillment of this prediction with the liveliest anticipation.
In order to make sure that this stranger, when she arrived, would not be missed, successive Emperors of China had followed the custom of sending heralds, once a year, to all the towns and villages of the land, asking for any foreign woman to be produced at Court.
When Fatima stumbled into a town by the Chinese seashore, it was one such occasion. The people spoke to her through an interpreter, and explained that she would have to go to see the Emperor.
“Lady,” said the Emperor, when Fatima was brought before him, “can you make a tent?”
“I think so,” said Fatima.
She asked for rope but there was none to be had. So, remembering her time as a spinner, she collected flax and made ropes. Then she asked for stout cloth, but the Chinese had none of the kind which she needed. So, drawing on her experience with the weavers of Alexandria, she made some stout tent cloth. Then she found that she needed tent-poles, but there were none in China. So Fatima, remembering how she had been trained by the wood-fashioner of Istanbul, cunningly made stout tent-poles. When these were ready, she racked her brains for the memory of all the tents she had seen in her travels: and lo, a tent was made.
When this wonder was revealed to the Emperor of Chine, he offered Fatima the fulfillment of any wish she cared to name. She chose to settle in China, where she married a handsome prince, and where she remained in happiness, surrounded by her children, until the end of her days.
It was through these adventures that Fatima realized that what had appeared to be an unpleasant experience at the time, turned out to be an essential part of the making of her ultimate happiness.
Another day of little to no work at the office. They'll probably try to throw something at me at 6pm, like they did last night, but I'm leaving to see Queen Latifah with my former bosses (who work for my current employer's competition). She's going to be doing her ballads/40's stuff tonight. I have no idea what to expect. She seems cool. I like my former bosses. It should be a good night out. Just a bitch that I'll have to make up the MIA hours as TheQueen is all over monitoring me... again.
S Factor was really good last night. I arrived grumbly... tired & sore & not in the mood. Only 3 students showed (me, Michele, and another chick who's name I should know - cause we've been working out together for more than 6 mos - but I don't) and the other 2 were ultra positive... making me want to hurt them. With 3 poles in our studio, that should have worked out great - one pole each, no waiting. But the change in humidity (cold & damp Sun; hot & dry Mon) caused the poles to be ultra-slippery so we pretty much stayed off of them. During warmup, Megan switched up the abs routine and I laughed when the other 2 grumbled while I, for ONCE, could do the moves! When we started moving into freestyle warmup, I got bored and took a bathroom break - waiting till they were done before coming back into the room.
For pole work, all 3 of us pretty much goofed off. I kept trying different moves - and sucking at them all. EXCEPT, I have noticed that I'm the only student who is fully ambidextrous on the poles - able to do tricks to the right & the left (pretty easy when that just means sucking equally). I didn't bother to try going upside down... I like having my head in one piece and, between my weakness and the poles being slippery, didn't expect it to stay that way.
Megan then decided we should move on to dancing. Because we had so few students, there was a lot of time to kill. Normally, 1 student dances in the "front" position - to their choice of music - and someone else warms up in the back. We keep doing that till everyone - 8 to 10 students - has done a "solo".
This time, she had all 3 of us dance at the same time to 3 consecutive songs... trying to express different feelings. First was sad - but she picked a song that started with the lyrics "forgive me" and I instantly went into "oh, no you didn't!! Fuck 'forgive me'!! Forgive you, you fucking asshole!!" attitude (at least 2 neighbors know what that was about). It took a LONG time for me to let it go and move into "sad" dancing. Then came angry - but she played techno and I don't find angry energy in techno. I just wanted to club dance - so that didn't work out too well for me either. Last was "teasing"... I don't remember the song and the experience was soso. I wasn't in a teasing mood. And, as I told Megan, I don't tease... I put out. My real life version of "teasing" would be to strip and say, "So... are we doing this or not?"
Then we got a much needed break and moved on to solo dances. I-don't-know-her-name did something I don't remember... I didn't like her music. Michele was, as always, completely sexy... she's really good!! Megan picked her music (Michele and I are now letting Megan pick our music so we can't "pre plan" what we're going to do) and got the song I wanted - something ultra-angry by Evanescence.
Then my turn. Megan, thankfully, gave me ANGRY-ANGRY music by Marilyn Manson (I have no idea what it was). I do best with the agressive music (NIN & Marilyn Mason). I'm pretty sure I went faster than Megan likes but man, it felt GOOD!! I was into it that I almost flipped off the students at one part. I was rolling, and thrashing, and angry-walking (feels great when you can do the S walk with anger) and all about the flair (flipping hair, slow moves suddenly being done fast, inserting extra moves into basic moves)... I worked out a LOT of energy. So much so that I faded before the song ended... out of breath and wondering, 'when will this be done?' Just as I was about to give up, the song finally stopped. It took me more than 10 minutes to catch my breath (stupid fat body & crappy lungs!!). In fact, I had to email Megan for her comments because I was too tired to get them last night.
Unfortunately, that left my back KILLING me when I got home (cracks me up how stuff can feel totally good in class, when you're all warmed up, then hurt like hell as your muscles cool down). I spent the night on pain pills and a heating pad... and feeling old.
Totally unrelated... my kitties are all doing well. (I realized I haven't mentioned them much.) Boo was totally adorable last night while sleeping (she's a whiney bitch when awake)... I have to get a pick of when her white belly spots both look like hearts... it's adorable.
And now, having rec'd my 10th compliment from a guy, I need to go look in a mirror and see what the hell my hair is doing. I generally throw gel into in, clamp it up in aligator clips, drive to work - with it drying on the way, and "get what I get" when I arrive at work. Apparently it worked out better than usual today.
Ahh... crap... a call from the lab. Looks like I'm going to have to go earn my living. Damn.
Friday at the office and I couldn't find free food anywhere... not even the depts that always have food. WTF is up with that?
Seems like everyone is in a foul mood. Except for the one guy who came by and said, "I always know when you're in the office because the atmosphere really lightens up." Nice compliment - but I'm pretty sure that's the polite version of "You're really loud!"
Yesterday's major device bug was figured out and resolved so testing is continuing tonight. No leaving early... bummer. But Carlos said he's happy with my work and intends to use me for more projects - YAY!! Someone in another department said they heard that I'm being paired with Carlos - which is kind of odd since I haven't heard that yet (right now, I'm just "helping out").
A heatwave started today - which is adding to the cranky factor around here (and I just heard that the office AC is being switched off at 4pm for repairs... joy). Which reminds me, the window company never got back to me on "ventilation locks" (allow you to keep the window partially open but non-moveable, to prevent bad-guys from breaking in). Their perspective seems to be that the windows should always be closed and locked when no one is home.
I have a headache. I'm gonna go troll the nets for amusing stuff to distract me till it's my turn to work on the the system testing again. I'll leave you with this, from ICanHasCheezburger:
I decided getting a toenail polish change and manicure (cut/buff only - no color) was far more important that getting to the office "on time" today - since I didn't have any work to do and Eban commented on my fingernails last week (nothing negative, just commented - which made me decide to get them manicured before our next session [tonight])..
These definitely fit my mood better than the prior, baby doll pink with HUGE flowers (but that served my mood last week very well).
Bonus: I was really happy with the quality of the work by the girl who took care of me (and tipped her accordingly). She used a LOT of polish - which means it will either last for ages or pop off really quickly - but it looks great right now (especially in the office elevator - something about the lighting). And she was super-anal about her design (you can't see it in the pic but there are itty bitty pink dots parallel to the white dots), which I always appreciate. I hope to get her again!!.
Other than improved solitude at the office, finding out that Carlos is a Doctor, and that his ringtone is the theme to "Sex In The City" (when I teased him about it not fitting his manly exterior he replied, "I'm confident in who I am!"), my toes have been the highlight of my day.
But, hey... a boring day is better than a bad one! Tomorrow's Friday... and Miss Kitty's theme is "Porn" - with appearances by some porn stars - so I just might find myself out and about at night. If so, I plan to make a distinct effort NOT to dress up... to just go as I am. We'll see how that holds up.
But the Sony parts drama meant I got to work an hour late (when I was planning to be 2 hrs early). And I've now wasted 3 more hours.
I have about 9 hrs of test tables staring at me. Not a problem if I had actually started working on them when I got here but I'm not optimistic about magically completing them in 4 hours. Anything later than 4 hrs from now (9p) makes driving to LA pretty much pointless (wouldn't get there till after midnight). I can't think of anywhere closer to go tonight - at least not anywhere worth the bother.
If I get out of work by 10p, I could drive straight up to LA and make it by 11 or 11:30 (depends on freeway construction closures). That would be fine. But, still... not likely. I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Arrrggghhh.
No one to blame but myself. DAMN!
**update, 3 hrs later**
The Gawds must be smiling on me tonight. The laser I was supposed to use for testing died as soon as I started. Troubleshooting it left only enough time to do a 4hr table, which I completed in 3 hrs and was tied to so many trouble reports that it credited for 18 hrs of work.
And I found 3 new problems - which means repeating all the tests again but is still good because my job is to find the problems.
I should be out of the office by 9pm - so I can still go out if I want. I'm kinda wavering on that now. But it's all the more reason I need to get out. It should be a slow night at Miss Kitty's, which sounds just right, and I gotz to see if I can find my missing mojo!!
"Looks like someone is getting a delivery of [cow] eyeballs."
"That a LOT of eyeballs - wonder why they need so many."
"Yeah... isn't it Monday? I thought that eyeballs are usually delivered on Tuesdays."
"Maybe they need them for something at the show."
[queue tiny violins]
Just found out that my week of lost pay (from being sick in Jan) is hitting this week - for a whopping $468 paycheck (covering 2 weeks). Unfortunately, the state hasn't sent their portion of the disability payment yet. Nor has the insurance company that compensates our pay back up to 70%. So, once again, I can't make mortgage ($1436)... and have no idea when/if the missing income will arrive. Greaaaaat.
It's my fault for using last week's bonus check to catch up on all the other bills. I should have known better. I never get a financial windfall without a substantial loss quickly following (makes me nervous about the stock options buyout in May).
Heavy sigh. I don't do well with financial stress.
My mojo had already gone MIA again - and I've been sort of "hiding out" from life for the past few days. This isn't going to help.
Oh... and Einstein just emailed me and mentioned his "open relationship" with someone he's "been seeing for a very long time." Great. Just great. It's stupid to get involved in something like that - but I bet I do it anyway (seems to be my pattern). At least I never considered him for anything more than a play partner.
Still... it would be nice to attact an interesting SINGLE playmate sometime, and consider the option for a "serious" involvement. Perhaps another day.
Tonight is the last class of S Factor Level 3. And, again, I'm not "feeling" it. As I wrote in a message earlier today, with illness and all, this session has basically turned out to be little more than a $440 g-string. I start Level 4 next week. It will go better.... right?
Time to go claw my way back under that rock. I might need a bigger boulder.
My bronchitis kicked in again. I think it knows when I have a major deadline (my current project deadline is Thurs afternoon). This happened years ago, in college... I had "walking pneumonia" 6 times and later realized every occurrence correlated to midterms and finals. I hated that college (one of... 6??.. 7??.. that I've attended). I dropped out and went on with my "real" life.
I made it through the weekend okay - including my annual mini-trek to the Bay Theatre in Seal Beach to see "It's A Wonderful Life" on the bigscreen (LOVE that film!). But Monday... work (ugh!)... was too much. The sore throat had progressed, the sinus infection quickly followed, the cough hit long before the end of my shift... prompting everyone to threaten to spray me with Lysol. No one understands that I'm not contagious. First, it's a lung infection, not a cold. Second, to be contagious would require coughing something out of my body. If I could do that, I wouldn't be sick!
And the cold temps. Dang it's been cold at night lately!! At least by CA standards. My violent coughing kicks in at exactly 71 degrees F. Tonight is expected to be around 44, plus winds. I fired up the heater on Saturday.
By Tues morn, I had full blown bronchitis. The constant coughing is killing me. Figuratively and literally (every incident of bronchitis causes a little more lung damage and likeliness for another attack). I was born 2 months premie.. and with pneumonia. So anytime anyone picks on me about this cough, I always theorize that it's because I was born with under-developed lungs. I think the years of coughing are also largely responsible for why, according to everyone, I'm so freaking LOUD. All those muscles in the larynx have been worked liked crazy... they don't know how to be "soft".
I called in sick early on Tues (6:30am - an unknown hour in my world!) and again today. I'll be back at work tomorrow... gotta meet that deadline! Getting my flu shot early has certainly helped. Recognizing that I need to go off work as soon as I get sick, and stay off till I genuinely feel better, has also helped. My sinuses are nearly clear now and I'm barely coughing. If the temp would go up to 72, I'd probably be fine.
I'm going into work "at a normal hour" tomorrow... daylight shift with the rest of the drones... and hopefully going to S Factor at night (but not if the hacking cough comes back).
No status on the Plan B... still keeping my fingers crossed. I don't know what to expect there. Should I be taking pregnancy tests already? Should I be waiting till my regular cycle? Should I panic? Should I not? I just dont know. Frankly, I'm still confused by the fact that I didn't have any violent negative reaction to the pills (I don't take the pill regularly because I'm clearly allergic to it). Anyone have insight?
I also keep rethinking the events that led me to this point... blindfolds and handcuffs and a super positive experience from exploring life-long fantasies. Worth it? I can actually say yes. Which, frankly, surprises me. Would I, knowing this outcome in advance, do it again? Probably not... but only in the sense that there would need to be a big "safe sex" convo in advance (live and learn). Otherwise, EVERY moment of it was well worth repeating... it truly was ridicuoulsy better than I had imagined.
So that's where I am. And now I'm going to go snuggle with 3 very beautiful kitties. Sleep tight, Vox neighbors.
But I can't sleep. Maybe cause I won't lie down?
I had Joel on the brain yesterday. Sometimes I miss him like crazy. It appears out of the blue. Yanks at my heart. We were so connected, so perfect together. He really is responsible for showing me who I could be - and helping me to become that person. Moments like that make me feel he's with me, watching over me... happy that I'm thinking of, and missing, him so much (he always was ridiculously vain).
Work was another of those days where I in on time but no systems were available (6 testers, 2 systems - you do the math) so I just goofed off, waiting for a laser to be free. Cezar came in and shared sordid stories of his prior night out - and it was 7p before we really got serious about running test scripts. He bailed around 9:30 - more clubbing to be had. I was done with my first set of pattern cuts and had originally planned to leave but decided to stay and complete the second set of cuts. Halfway through setup, the laser died. Just died. I swear it wasn't my fault (as opposed to the prior night when I accidentally hit the patient interface with a chair and broke a critical piece). Tech Svc couldn't figure out the error and, with security leaving for the weekend, we gave up around 11:45 and went home. I stopped in today and it hadn't "magically" recovered (sometimes that happens) so at least I got out of working on Sat - though everyone's going to be pissed on Monday, scrambling to get the unit back up, and thinking I'm a jinx. I volunteered as a test patient for a new laser on Thursday (I wanted to know what the patients will experience) - I wonder if that one is still running.
I really wanted to go to Miss Kitty's after work (desperately wanting to see Castilo but unwilling to call him because I don't know if our last hookup was the result of his intention or alcohol consumption- and I didn't want to risk rejection). But it was too late (I would have gotten there about an hour before closing) and super foggy - I have MAJOR issues about driving in fog (don't ask). Knowing I had an S Factor makeup in the morning, I didn't even drink at home (this makes 3 nights with a full bottle of vodka in my freezer and I haven't opened it - a true holiday miracle!).
I was pretty tired so I crawled into bed, tuned in ThumpRadio (late night techno music) on timer, and tried to sleep. I thought about Joel and Castilo and being lonely - and horny - and I finally passed out around 2am.
At 2:30, my door buzzer buzzed - a lot. I knew what that meant - but couldn't believe I might really be getting what I wanted, especially when it meant a 35+ mile drive in heavy fog. But, sure enough, Castilo was outside my door.
I looked like HELL. The house looked like HELL. Didn't matter. He gave me that look - that happy smile as I let him in (I think I heard him say, "oh, good" - like he hadn't been sure I'd be happy to see him. Doooooh!). The slow, subtle, expression change to desire, need, craving. That look that makes me feel like the sexiest slut alive.
It was good. REAL good. AMAZING good. So good that I'd like to share details for the next 50 entries - but I know most people are TMI about sex details... so, daaaaaaamn!!
And he stayed. Till sunrise. Sleeping. That's HUGE. For both of us. We're both the "Thanks, that was fun. See ya!" type... so it's a big deal that we actually slept together. And even all cuddly-like (that was still a bit strange for me - how sad is that?!?).
So today I went to the S Factor makeup class on something like 3 hrs of sleep. I felt like crap. Can't believe I didn't bail. But I really wanted to try Stephanie's class since all I ever hear is "everyone LOVES Stephanie!" Well, guess what, not everyone. She was okay. Not bad - good for "accents" and "flair" but her warmup was uneven (we'd work one direction for 3 min and the other direction for only 1 min) and she was surprisingly controlling about the workout. My workout was terrible - my muscles were stiff [insert some kind of dirty joke here], and I had no energy. I didn't even do the routine - preferring to just sit on the sofa and watch (and judge!) everyone else. I think her class is the least coordinated that I've seen. But she had a teacher-in-training auditing her class (I think it was Crystal. I really liked her - she gave really good pointers - so I almost finally did the PeterPan move), so maybe that was making her weird or something. Dunno. At least her students were nice and welcomed me into their group. After class, I enrolled in Level 3 with Megan (my regular instructor). I'm not sure I'll be ready for it - but what the hell. Someone's got to be the worst, it might as well be me! I think I might also to try to work in some makeups with Kristen as I really miss her high energy & super nasty moves. [note about those links: no one but Sheila looks anything like their photo. I don't know why.)
After workout I did a short stint at the office (and got a perverse thrill from changing clothes in my cube - instead of the locker room - cause I knew no one was there), then headed off to Roger's Gardens - a high-end nursery in Newport Beach. I had perfect timing as the sun had set, fog was rolling in, and I could finally see all the holiday lighting in it's splendor. That's one of 3 places I love to visit at the holidays - because it's so dang pretty (and doesn't take any effort on my part!). Which reminds me, I need to look up all the local toy drives - I usually find out about them the day after they happen. I need to be proactive about it this year! I can't believe how fast the holidays are coming. Thanksgiving is next week? And "It's A Wonderful Life" starts the annual holiday showing at the local art house movie theaters that weekend. What's that about!?!? It's too soon!!
Tomorrow I'm meeting with Justin Rudd to discuss volunteering at the Thanksgiving Turkey Trot at Belmont Shore (the nicest section of Long Beach). I'm amazed by how many people want to run a 5k/10k on Thanksgiving morning.. insane!! (Kim and Lucas are coming - I hope to get photos of them!) But no more insane than me agreeing to be a volunteer - with a shift starting at 6:30am when I typically go to bed around 5am! Justin wants me to run the Chicken Chucking contest - people tossing rubber chickens for distance & prizes (well known "help" - fill the rubber chicken with sand). I usually do more menial tasks - setup, sales, giveaways - but he's a great guy and I'll do anything I can to help him. If he wants me to run the contest, I'll run the contest.
Tuesday is the She Wants Revenge concert in San Diego. I have lots of concern about the traffic heading down there (it's roughly 85 miles and we'll be doing it during rush hour), and back (if there's heavy fog, we may have to stay the night). Wed should be slow at work - and nothing at home. Thurs is the Turkey Trot & Chicken Chucking. I have an invite to Thanksgiving dinner at my former boss' house but don't know if I'll make it (plus he hasn't followed up). The company will be good, booze will be free flowing, I'll have an option to stay the night - but it's far (roughly 40 miles from my house) and I don't expect to have the energy for socializing. That Fri night is the annual "White Trash" party at Miss Kitty's, a big rave in San Bernardino on Sat (doubt I'll go - another long, foggy drive), and I think Club Ripples' 35th anniversary (I was a VIP for 8 years). Reality check: I'll spend the entire weekend sitting around and thinking about cleaning my house but never actually moving a muscle to do so.
And with that boring entry, I think I'm gonna try to go to sleep - though I think I've reached that state where I've amped myself awake for so long that I can't remember how to stop.
Jenn, if you're reading this - where are your comments? It only takes a couple min to set up your account - and you don't have to post entries unless/until you want to... so stop buttlaggin... voxers will LOVE you!
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