4 posts tagged “mojo”

I'm not in love.

No requited love. No unrequited love (they type to which I'm more accustom).

I'm nearly always in love with, or crushing on, someone.

I derive happiness from the pursuit of making other people happy.

At this moment, there's no one in my life who inspires that pursuit.

Sure, there are still people for who(m) I will do nice things. But no one "special". No one arousing a desire in me to seek out gestures - both small & grand - to put a smile on their face. No one motivating a quest to make their dreams come true - to fulfill their secret fantasies.

That's my mojo.

And it's exactly what is missing from my life.

But the Sony parts drama meant I got to work an hour late (when I was planning to be 2 hrs early). And I've now wasted 3 more hours.

I have about 9 hrs of test tables staring at me. Not a problem if I had actually started working on them when I got here but I'm not optimistic about magically completing them in 4 hours. Anything later than 4 hrs from now (9p) makes driving to LA pretty much pointless (wouldn't get there till after midnight). I can't think of anywhere closer to go tonight - at least not anywhere worth the bother.

If I get out of work by 10p, I could drive straight up to LA and make it by 11 or 11:30 (depends on freeway construction closures). That would be fine. But, still... not likely. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Arrrggghhh.

No one to blame but myself. DAMN!

**update, 3 hrs later**

The Gawds must be smiling on me tonight. The laser I was supposed to use for testing died as soon as I started. Troubleshooting it left only enough time to do a 4hr table, which I completed in 3 hrs and was tied to so many trouble reports that it credited for 18 hrs of work.

And I found 3 new problems - which means repeating all the tests again but is still good because my job is to find the problems.

I should be out of the office by 9pm - so I can still go out if I want. I'm kinda wavering on that now. But it's all the more reason I need to get out. It should be a slow night at Miss Kitty's, which sounds just right, and I gotz to see if I can find my missing mojo!!

[queue tiny violins]

Just found out that my week of lost pay (from being sick in Jan) is hitting this week - for a whopping $468 paycheck (covering 2 weeks). Unfortunately, the state hasn't sent their portion of the disability payment yet. Nor has the insurance company that compensates our pay back up to 70%. So, once again, I can't make mortgage ($1436)... and have no idea when/if the missing income will arrive. Greaaaaat.

It's my fault for using last week's bonus check to catch up on all the other bills. I should have known better. I never get a financial windfall without a substantial loss quickly following (makes me nervous about the stock options buyout in May).

Heavy sigh. I don't do well with financial stress.

My mojo had already gone MIA again - and I've been sort of "hiding out" from life for the past few days. This isn't going to help.

Oh... and Einstein just emailed me and mentioned his "open relationship" with someone he's "been seeing for a very long time." Great. Just great. It's stupid to get involved in something like that - but I bet I do it anyway (seems to be my pattern). At least I never considered him for anything more than a play partner.

Still... it would be nice to attact an interesting SINGLE playmate sometime, and consider the option for a "serious" involvement. Perhaps another day.

Tonight is the last class of S Factor Level 3. And, again, I'm not "feeling" it. As I wrote in a message earlier today, with illness and all, this session has basically turned out to be little more than a $440 g-string. I start Level 4 next week. It will go better.... right?

Time to go claw my way back under that rock. I might need a bigger boulder.

Or maybe "Cranky" is more appropriate. Maybe both. Maybe you should back off and not worry about it, okay?!?

I've tried to keep it under wraps but I know everything I've said today has contained at least trace amounts of venom.

I'm not sure what my prob is. I had a good night (talked to "Einstein", and he offered his email & myspace info [more that C ever did!]), I slept well, left for work on time, dropped off a package for Kristen at FedEx... all good. But somewhere during the 30 mile drive to work my personality turned. By the time I walked in the front door, I was ready to bitch slap everybody. So, for the most part, I've hid in my cube and kept my mouth shut.

The highlight of my day was being the first to catch on to the fact that our Software Developer was being snarky, not serious, with nasty comments during a document review. It wasn't till his 5th or 6th snide remark, and me with the giggles, that other people figured it out. This is why he and I get along well - fast brains.

I had about 30 min of paperwork after that - and have spent the rest of the day BORED out of my mind and compulsively checking my 4 email accounts, news, and Vox in the vain hope that some bit of enlightenment would suddenly appear before me. Or that I would at least be too distracted to notice my boborygymus (use the link!).

So, wide world of Vox - do you have any enlightenment for me this night? I still have another hour to kill at the office.