5 posts tagged “miss scotch”

Only took me 45 seconds to start crying.. though the fact that I'm finishing off the bottle of champagne from my breakfast toast probably helped that along. But they're sooooo in love... how can you not cry from happiness?

ScotchPants Wedding

I can't believe how nicely my little 30-hr vacation fell into place. As usual, no problems at Long Beach airport. I was there with plenty of time to spare (it takes roughly 10 min to go from parking your car to sitting at the departure gate, and that includes checking in)... but it turned out that my flight was running late by almost an hour. I had picked my departure time pretty much at random and consider myself damn lucky that I selected a time that, even with the delay, didn't impact my ability to check in to my hotel and still make it to the Cirque show on time.

The weather in SF was not nearly as cold as I expected but dusk was just hitting so as soon as I got to my room (Hotel Maxwell) I layered up for the night out (wisest tip: tights under jeans). About an hour later, MissScotch called from the lobby. She's a pretty in real life as she is in her pics and twice as nice as she seems in her posts. I was amazingly relieved to find that, though gorgeous, she wasn't a 5'10" supermodel bitch.

We headed out and had a celebratory glass of champagne at a nearby restaurant/bar... my first drink since Sept 29. Certain not to be my last!!

We hailed a cab and headed off to AT&T Park and, after some confusion, hoofed our way to the Grand Chapiteau for the show. After a ridiculously long line, and posing for a souvenir pic, we got to our seats just in time for the pre-show.

The acrobatics in Cirque du Soleil's "Kooza" were AMAZING... seriously some of the best & most difficult stuff I've seen performed. The contortionists were simply ridiculous - bending their bodies all sorts of ways that should not be humanly possible. Have you seen the video of the freaky bendy European gymnast? She may have been one of the performers. I'm not sure. But that's how bendy they were (though a gazillion times more artistic).

There was a solo trapeze act (one trapeze & one artist) that was fairly death defying. The high-wire performance involved 4 artists on 2 high wires - though most of the time was spent with 2 or 3 artists on the higher wire. They used no safety lines, which I've never seen Cirque do before, and one performer very nearly took a serious fall (while I've seen "stunt" slips in some of the shows, this one looked like a genuine accident). He caught himself by his hands and I thought he was going to steady himself and drop to the floor - but he pulled himself back onto the wire and redid the stunt.

At intermission, we got drinks (I wanted champagne but this show didn't offer it), wandered around the shopping area, and checked out the photo taken of us as we came in. It was not good. But still, it was a fun night so I was gonna buy a copy - figuring a single would run $7 or $10 and was worth it for the "cheesiness" factor. But oh noooooes. The smallest "package" sold was two 5x7s... for $25. Big fat pass!!

The 2nd half of Kooza started with The Wheel of Death which was simultaneously spellbinding and scary as hell. The audience was gasping in fear early in the performance and it grew to screams as the artists just kept taking it up another notch - adding somersaults and flips and all other manner of moves that should not be performed on rapidly spinning tandem wheels - especially with no safety nets or harnesses. I simply don't have words to do it justice.

There were many more acts that I don't remember (the "balancing on chairs" act was not performed) - which is not to say the acts and show were not good. In fact, just the opposite - it was so much, and so good, and so overwhelming that it's hard to pick out specifics from the overall impression of "OH MY GAWD - I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE DOING THAT!!" I'm especially happy that it made a good "first Cirque" for MissScotch.

After the show, in the parking lot, we ended up overhearing the most insanely funny conversation involving British accents and the repeated use of the words "hamsters", "gerbils", and "porn". Scotch and I made sure to stay near that group, to hear whatever snippets we could - and I found myself longing for a way to make these strangers my new BFFs... as they were clearly warped in just the right way.

Scotch suggested that we go dancing in the Castro and we headed to Badlands where, surprisingly, I had never been before. $2 cover... that's TWO dollars. Score!! And they had coat check... double score!! And I used their ATM and got an extra $20 (I assume someone before me didn't take all their bills)... TRIPLE SCORE... MEANT TO BE!!

Scotch had a bartender instantly fall in love with her and he made our drinks strong all night. We got our drunk on (HOW many lemondrops did we consume? Was it 1,000?!?) and our dance on (note to self, do NOT wear tights under jeans to a club!!). The gay boys loved Scotch and eventually got around to noticing me too. Some guy told me he liked my "rack" - which made me laugh cause there were girls with much more substantial offerings right next to me. Another guy just kept saying, "You're trouble!!" to which I would earnestly reply, "Yes. I am!"

I think MissScotch and I were considered some cute/fun/flirty lipstick-lesbian couple and, because we were clearly having a BLAST - both grinning ear to ear - we attracted a lot of positive attention from the men.

Of course, it was all over way too soon. Outside, Scotch impressed the hell out of me (as she did all night) by spotting some guy trying to jack a cab in front of her, yelling, "HEY... LADIES FIRST!!", mostly as a joke but causing the guy to actually apologize and move out of the way so she could have the next taxi. Soooo cool - that would never work for me!! She caught her cab and headed off into the night - back to home & her boyfriend (she lights up like Christmas when she talks about him. He REALLY is the luckiest person alive!!) - and out of my IRL life. Awwwww.... queue sad music.

Twenty minutes later, still standing on the corner but now with no cabs in sight (normal for bar closing), I remembered that I hadn't eaten all day and ran into Walgreen's to pick up snackage (I originally tried a pizza place but it was way too crowded). I headed back outside, finally caught a cab back to my hotel, showered, scarfed a little food, loaded up on pain pills (I guessed, correctly, that my knees would be hurtin today), and CRASHED.

The morning came way too early (fortunately, as always, NO hangover for me). Just before checking out of the hotel, I called Sean to see if he wanted to shop with me but he was still in recovery from his night out (Tori Amos concert) so we agreed I'd stop by in the afternoon. I headed to Chinatown and bought waaaaaaaaaaay more silk stuff than I had planned - some for charity, some for coworkers, some for me. I didn't even get what I actually went for - dark blue silk table runners to turn into curtains (I've been thinking of the design for over a year now. The runners are gorgeous and only $10 each - though, if you go to one of the stores at the "official" Chinatown entrance, the exact same runners are $99 each). The shop didn't have enough blue ones in the store so I'm supposed to order them by phone next week so they can pull the needed stock from the warehouse. On a fluke, I ended up in a leather store where I'm sure I paid more than I should have for a long leather coat (the price was totally reasonable but I think it's normal to haggle down - which I don't do). But I really liked the feel (VERY soft leather), cut and style - and am happy with the purchase so that's that.

I got to Sean's around 2 or 2:30 and he was zombified - watching TV while trying to recover from a cold & his night out (his friends said he went into mean drunk status so I'm glad we missed each other) while gathering energy to go to another concert tonight. We talked a bit, watched some TV, and he fell asleep. I was hoping he'd drive me to the BART station, saving me a lot of commute time, but his friend didn't arrive when expected so he couldn't leave and I had to take the bus.

I allowed 2 hrs for the airport commute and check in (I expected it to actually take about 45 min). Like last time, I missed a bus by less than 5 min and had to wait 20 min for the next one. By the time I got on a BART, I remembered that the ride into SF had been MUCH longer than the "20 minutes" Sean drilled into my head - more like 45 minutes - and that I still had to catch the airBART connector to the airport, which would be another 15 to 20 min. A quick number crunch later, I realized that I might miss my flight home - and it was the last flight of the night. I began to freak but quickly accepted that I had no ability to change whatever outcome was ahead and that I might have to buy a ticket on another airline (maybe even to another airport) or spend another night at a NoCal hotel.

A few minutes shy of 2 hrs after leaving Sean's (so much for the 45 min theory), roughly 10 minutes before my plane was scheduled to leave, I arrived at Oakland airport, ran to the JetBlue counter, and was told that my flight was closed. But, because JetBlue KICKS ASS they made some calls, "reopened" the flight, and checked me in. (VirginAmerica never would have done that!) I ran to the security check point, had an asthma attack, and fast-walked to the departure gate (naturally, the farthest one), silently cussing Sean and myself, and feeling horrible that a plane was being delayed because I didn't plan well (allow THREE hours!!) and am too fat to hustle. There were MANY stares as I boarded, huffing and wheezing, sucking on my inhaler, and sounding about ready to drop dead. The attendants instantly handed me a bottle of water - though what I really needed was an oxygen mask!

As I sat down and started hacking up my lungs (side effect of the asthma & inhaler - I'm sure everyone thought I was giving them TB), I watched 4 or 5 other people board over the next 10 minutes and I wanted to kick myself (and the counter attendant) for the earlier running. But... I'd made the flight, had a great seat (first row, window, empty seat next to me), and got to watch "30 Rock" and "SNL: Best of Will Ferris" on the in-seat TVs and laughed for most of the flight home. (note: I read that JetBlue is going to be adding in-flight WiFi next week.)

This getaway turned into one of my best/favorite vacations ever!! Short & packed with good experiences, it left me satisfied, never bored, and looking forward to doing it again.

Bonus: For those of you who wonder what MissScotch is like in real life, all I can say is: She's everything you ever imagined... and more... times 1000. GREAT things are in store for that woman!!

Glad it sounds like you had a nice time (or only focused on those parts). I've been holding this comic strip for you.

So what if it was only a dream and I only remember bits and pieces.

I know I was driving on a coastal highway on Hawaii. I passed the exit for MissScotch's place. I headed back and my passenger (I don't know who it was) told me I was going to miss the turn again. I turned hard and managed to get us on the dirt road, past the overgrown tropical plants that hid MissScotch's home.

Her place turned out to be three buildings on a large lot. I recall talking with people and moving around the main house. In the 2nd house, there was an art studio on the 2nd floor. Someone was yelling at me for not getting a woman to do more art. I was trying to explain that I was trying to leave her alone, hoping her artist companion - Brad Pitt - would provide better inspiration than me.

Then there was a BIG party - people all over the place. Scotchie's place was now so big that there were small streets running between the various buildings. I was walking through the intersection, from the 2nd story pool to the big outdoor bar/saloon building, and glanced back. I noticed the striking, clearly exepensive & "designer", all-sequin, one-piece bathing suits being worn by the women behind me. Heather Graham's solid blue suit was much nicer than Lucy Lu's bronze/creme suit.

I don't remember anything else. But it was a great party. Thanks for having me Miss Scotch!!

I'm finally watching "Borat". I can't stop laughing & screaming in hysteric shock.

in unrelated news: I was wrong about Einstein. A couple days after I posted about him being a thing of the past, he surfaced... back problems and partying in Mexico were reasons for the MIA status. We had a long flirtatous convo tonight. It reminded me:

What I love:

1. Experiencing new things
2. Helping other people experience new things - or prepping them to help yet more people experience new things (just assume that's naughty... cause, this past week, all of the good stuff was. I've definitely been living up to my "Goddess of Hedonism and Desire" title!)

Speaking of which: I need to go check out Miss Scotch's brows. She always seems to look good. If I get the same brows, people will automatically think I look like her too... right?!??