4 posts tagged “me”
Walking behind/with Grand Marshall, Justin Rudd - representing HauteDogs.org.
Ralph told me that he got footage of me dancing to the drum corps. That better make it into the video footage!!
me with Sheila Kelley (creator/founder of S Factor) at the S Factor Enchantment Party at Element nightclub in Los Angeles.
Rosina: True to my word... I told her you want a workshop in LA!! She seemed surprised and said she'd consider it.
Show us your favorite photo of yourself.
It's a tie:
- 8 months & already a bitchy big mouth
- 3 yrs and looking pretty (bonus points if you say I look just like Tabatha from BeWitched)
Only because I haven't been out in the world enough to write about anything else.
I wanted to join Project 365 but am aware that, at least for a few days longer, my photos would consist of nothing more than: Messy home, commute, work, commute, messy home, Walgreen's, messy home. Repeat. I figure I'll wait till my life returns to some sort of activity again... which is tentatively scheduled for Fri night and a trip to Miss Kitty's. I'll probably bail on the idea - but at least I feel well enough to consider it.
My health is MUCH improved. After a full weekend of sleeping (I was awake for approx 10 hrs, total, between Fri night and Mon morning) I finally had some energy yesterday. However, I woke up with random pains in my stomach and abs and completely freaked myself out thinking that I would end up in the hospital by day's end. Everything eventually passed and felt pretty much okay for the rest of the day. At night, I had wicked bad insomnia. You'd think it was from sleeping all weekend - but you'd be wrong. My body wants to be back on my natural timeclock - "vampire time" to the rest of the world (wake between 1 & 3pm, take a shower around sunset, be active all night, go to bed a little after sunrise) - and I'm having a lot of trouble fighting it. In fact, it's 11:42pm now and I'm WIDE awake. It will definitely be another night for sleeping meds.
Today was the first day that I felt relatively "normal". I had enough energy to get through the day, actually worked (haven't done that since before Christmas), had no pains, and was in good spirits. I'm still trying to get all the stupid diability paperwork completed and filed. It seems so pointless after the fact - especially knowing I'm going to have one itty bitty paycheck whenever the paperwork goes through. But the long term point is to have things prepped in case I have to go out again... so I don't lose a week of pay again.
I'm still having trouble with the high fiber diet. Did you know that an entire bag of baby carrots - those ones that are about the size of a large bag of choc chips - is only 1/2 the RDA of fiber for 1 day (which is 25grams)? An entire bag!! Luckily, I found some Atkins Bars which are suprisingly tasty and loaded with fiber (9g to 11g each) and protein. Adding an Ensure brings up my vitamins. Add in whatever I eat for the day and I do pretty well. But, seriously... supplementing fiber and drinking Ensure (and don't forget my totally messed up knees)... what am I, 100?!?
To answer CupCate, I'm well past the whole C thing. Though I do wonder how I'll react if/when I see him again. I'm not mad... I've made plenty of justifications for why he acted the way he did. Not in that, "Oh, please come back to me" way but in mind of, "I like to think the best about people. He was never mean to me, nor lied to me, before - so I'm guessing he had his reasons for doing it this time." It was his drama and his business why. There's no point in me having issues with it. We had fun. It ended. Life happens.
I just found this horoscope for Wed and think it's a month too late. Where was this on Dec 26 - BEFORE the psycho call from C?
DAILY LOVE FOR JANUARY 24, 2007
Daily Flirt:
There's nothing weirder than seeing someone you thought you knew well flip out over an innocuous matter. Ask him or her what's going on. An activity that channels all that aggressive energy might help too.Daily Singles:
Think about building trust and putting down a solid foundation now. If you've got misgivings or it seems like something's not on the level, don't hesitate to take your attentions and fabulousness elsewhere.
Trying to have a positive outlook about my date-ability, I signed up for Nerve personals (via Bust magazine online) and, in just 3 weeks, have had a whopping NO HITS. Clearly, I'm too sexy and it's scaring men away. [yes, i share your hysterical laughter]. WTF?!? Are all those gross fat men "seeking athletic big busted 26 yr old for fun & play" REALLY having that much success??
I also decided to really go out on a limb and sign up on a BDSM "dating" site. LOTS of hits there - mostly trolls and potentially homocidal maniacs. I had 4 prospects that seemed okay. Of those, 3 never returned messages after getting face pictures of me [gee... no insult there!]. One was still interested but wanted to hook up immediately. No convo, no "scene negotiation", no exchanging of stats (like STD status?!?) - just "can you meet tonight?" So it seem pretty clear that he didn't care what a person looks like - so long as they responded. Well, that was a big NO from me. I asked to exchange a few more emails - and never heard from him again.
So, Greg Behrendt, THIS is why women compromise and make excuses for men - why they think they aren't good enough as is. Cause there's not a lot of reinforcement otherwise (except from their 'home girls'... shout out to all my voxy neighbors!).
I'll give each site another month. If nothing improves, I'll delete my accounts. I don't expect miracles. I don't expect to meet a mate in 2 months of online searching. But NO hits?!? C'mon. Even I know mass rejection when I see it!
So now my "Life Without C" frustration is sort of leaking out at the office - serious cougar prowling. (I'm now in the cougar bracket, right? I think Pumas are younger.) Due to a construction project, I'm temporarily sitting in another area of the building which, happily, has me crossing paths with a LOT more good looking, and single, men. I struck up a convo with one who sits by me, and was also working late, last night and it morphed into a big serious discussion about love & dating & men vs women (basically all the stuff we've been discussing online lately). I was impressed with how nicely, and correctly, he assessed my personality and "problems" attracting men. I don't remember how he said it but my version is:
Men have been conditioned to having women express needing a man to complete them. Many (most?) women actually believe that's true. I, however, know that I don't need a man to be complete. I am complete. I want to share my life with a man, not need him.
Because I don't project need, men typically don't know how to react to me and assume that I'm either not genuinely interested, a pal, or lesbian.
Also, because I feel complete, I don't have a desire to spend every waking moment with a man I like. I don't start morphing into a carbon copy of him in order to share all his interests and spend more time together. I keep my own interests & friends & life... just as I want him to do. As much as men say they want that - few know how to react when presented with it!
The man I'm meant to be with (if any) will understand, and seek, being wanted instead of needed. He'll have a personal life and I'll have mine - we'll both have something to bring to the relationship - which will allow us to share and grow together.
So... nice convo with the coworker. He shared some semi-intimate details of his past but nothing TMI. There was an oddly intimate vibe and I kinda thought he was flirting with me (for sex) but I figured I was misreading him and dropped the idea. Today he was back at my desk. He said he spent the evening thinking about our convo and had written a bunch about it. He printed it out for me. I expected something along the lines of an open blog entry. What he wrote was directed specifically as a convo to me. It still may not be flirting - but it's definitely not average coworker behavior. I'm having fun waiting to see what, if anything, is next. I don't see any dating potential - but I definitely see relief potential. And I'm not above exploring that.
Speaking of work: The company "holiday" party is this Sat night (yea, I don't get having a "holiday" party in Jan either). I can't decide whether or not to attend. Last year was on a Fri, after work, and hella lame. This year is a "casino night" at a new resort hotel. I started thinking, if I can have fun anywhere, why couldn't manage to have fun at the company party last year? I'll know more people this year, it's close to my home (closer to me than to most coworkers!), it's on the weekend. But what if the music still sucks? What if everyone else is couples again? What if it's still hella lame?!? So I thought "hmmm... casino night" ... what if I play dress up and go in 60s or 40s retro? Updo, pale lipstick and clunky shoes? Or wavy hair, fur stole, opera gloves, and a cigarette holder? This has potential for decidely unique fun. I still haven't decided (if I had a cigarette girl, or Vegas showgirl, costume it would be a done deal). Realistically, I'll end up staying home and sleeping. But maybe not.
In the most stress reducing of news, I did all the math on my stock options (due to our buyout by AMO) and bonus (we're getting one!) and am expecting, pretax, one serious chunk of income in April/May. Unfortunately, it will be taxed at 42.5% - but I should recoup a lot of that when I file taxes in 2008. Even after taxes, it should be enough to go a looooong way toward digging me out of debt and allowing me to make a good contribution to charity. Let's all knock on wood that nothing goes wrong with this deal - or my life - that makes this nothing more than an exercise in wishful thinking.
In other news: As Jupitre* mentioned in her latest post, we're scheduled to meet up on Feb 2 (she'll be in LA, from Puerto Rico, for a week) to go to Opaque... the dining in the dark experience I mentioned a couple months ago. I fear that we'll find we adore each other on vox but hate each other IRL. How much would that suck?!? I love having younger friends - but can I be enough fun for an 18 yr old (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!) to tolerate for several hours - even an 18yr old going on 30?!?
Closing with a personal note: Hi to Sean - who's freezing his penis off in the cold plains of Canada - but seems, despite being extremely intelligent, not to mind. To each their own kink!!
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