I'm a LOUD talker
So I've been told - bunches of time. So many times that it's hurtful. No one understands that I can't control it - because I don't hear it, I have strong vocal chords, and because I hear everyone else at that louder volume too. But I don't feel the need to go around telling everyone that I can hear EVERYTHING they say... that it annoys me just as much as I annoy them (except that I hear it from a billion sources, while they only hear it from me). I accept it. It's the way things are. I move on.
My volume came up as the sole "needs improvment" on my annual review this evening. Of course, being me, even though literally everything else was "exceeds expectations" and I'm getting a higher-than-average increase (still a measely 4.2% - how do you lifetime perm-job people survive like this??) all I see on that paper is, "Her mere existence is annoying to us all. We wish she would leave."
With the exception of ONE person (who I can no longer recall), anytime anyone has tried to point out that I'm being loud, no matter how politely they do it, I clam up completely because I feel like they just told me I'm insignificant.
I know that's a gross misinterpretation. But that's how my brain works - and emotions respond faster than logic. And even when the logic kicks in, I'll sometimes still be hurt and sulking for extended periods of time.
A year or 2 ago, I looked into biofeedback devices - bascially some kind of volume meter that I could wear around my neck so I could SEE the difference between my volume and other people's - get some sense of how everyone else experiences me and maybe retrain myself accordingly - but nothing came of it.
Since my dept is about to move to a much quieter area (not once I get there!), my boss is seeking ideas on how to tell me to lower my volume without upsetting me.
Suggestions? Anyone?
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Yeah, I've had that before. Not on a review, but my boss came in and said that he was getting complaints. I was in an area where we had no white noise and I was stuck in the middle of finance types and technical writers.
As he put it, "These are lame people with no personalities, so don't take it personally. Just be aware that people don't have as much fun as you do." He was right, I was more careful and instead of being upset, I felt rather smug.
you could get one of those behavioral devices that zap you every time you're loud, remember that Cheers episode where Cliffy would get zapped every time he was...what was it, boring (I can only guess for him)? and at the end that old guy had found it and was zapping away going "Dance, Mailman!!!" like that! :-P
I kid, I kid. really, I have no advice. I am quiet as a churchmouse, haha. My mom says I mumble but she is pretty deaf.
I appreciate all the support - nice to know I'm not alone with this "problem".
I see advantages to being loud: I don't discuss things that other's shouldn't hear. I don't use my cell phone in public. I don't mind other people butting into my conversation because they heard something that interests them. And I can't tell begin to estimate the number of times that my sonic hearing & loud voice have resulting in completely unexpected converstations which somehow helped someone because someone unexpected overhearing and getting involved. I know many people have benefitted from the fact that I will openly talking about topics (figuring everyone's going to hear me anyway) that some people have been ashamed to discuss (depression comes to mind - I can't believe how many people are ashamed of depression) - and learning that they're not alone. This post has worked out in much the same way.
So, in all, I absolutely agree with Spooktastic & AmyH... fuck 'em - quiet is overrated!! And I KNOW I'm having a hell of a lot more fun in life!!
However, I have to play by the rules or get punished. Most of the time I'll go with the punishment. But I have a good boss and don't want to appear disrespectful or, worse, embarrass her in front of the other teams.
Maybe I'll try one of those "bark collars" for dogs. The kink factor alone might be worth it.
Last night, all I could think was, "I should quit. I should just quit."
SO WHAT if I'm LOUD?!? I can hear both of my bosses right now - in their offices - and no one seems to mind. And, unlike my dept VP, I've never walked through the office talking about the Director's vagina (actual conversation!!) or saying "Fuck".
I was still pouting about this mid-day today... almost 24 hrs later. Completely censoring my conversations at lunch and repeatedly finding myself thinking, "Fuck them too!! Why should I talk to them at all?"
If I ever figure out who/how I was reminded to quite down, without getting emotionally hurt, I'll let you know!