How to take 3 hours to plug in a TV

• Assume CRT TV out to LCD TV in will be easy peesy 10 minute job.
• Unplug old TV. Set on bed (TV is heavy & bed is empty and close). Spend 10 minutes cleaning dust bunnies that had accumulated below old TV.
  
• Unpack new LCD HTDV.
  
• Use included cables to make "good" connection to DVD/VHS player (formerly used "basic" connection - coax cable). Find power cord and learn that is a 3-prong plug. Look at walls - every outlet is 2 prong.
• Search house for 3-prong adapter that I know I have somewhere. Fail to find it.
• Go to Walgreen's. Buy 3-prong adapter - despite reading that the fact that I have "old wiring" means I probably shouldn't use it.
• Get wild hair to go to Office Depot and look for MP3 car adapter. Buy internal DVD burner - even though I don't have a desktop computer and will also need to buy an adapter case. Wait to get home before accepting the stupidity of that decision and making plan to return burner tomorrow.
• Go home. Attempt to attached 3-prong adapter to outlet. Discover it doesn't fit correctly.
• Check 3-prong adapter in kitchen. It fits fine. Accept that adapter purchased at Walgreen's is CRAP.
• Once again, search for spare adapter that I know I have somewhere.
• Find 3-prong outlet in one of my many toolboxes.
• Don't bother to turn off circuit - much more fun to risk electrocution.
• Put on heavy-duty leather gloves.
• Remove 2-prong outlet. Notice spare wires "floating around". Make mental note of what's connected where.
• Release last wire, watch it spring toward other wires. Completely lose track of what was connected where.
• Realize I have 2 white wires & 2 black wires. Wonder how they're supposed to connect to 3-prong outlet.
• Find 3-prong outlet in bathroom and unscrew it to check wiring. Find only 1 each B & W wires. No help with 4 wires - but tells me that I only need 1 connection to feed both outlets.
• Remember circuit tester in toolbox. Try outlet tester in bathroom connection - confirm that it works.
• Connect alligator clip circuit tester to wires in every configuration possible - it never registers hot connection. Know that former outlet worked and assume alligator clip tester doesn't work.
• Connect newer wires to outlet. Insert circuit tester. No juice. Plug in small portable fan and confirm no juice.
• Remove "new" black wire. Connect "old" black wire.
• Test. No juice. Plug in fan. No juice.
• Remove "new" white wire Connect "old" white wire.
• Test. Juice!! Plug in fan. Juice!!
• Screw outlet into wallbox. Think about running to Home Depot for new faceplate (old one is "traditional" style but new outlet is rectangle) but decide against it... suspecting I have one somewhere.
• Discover cord for new TV does not reach outlet.
• Find 3-prong extension cord (bought by mistake a couple months ago but never returned cause I knew I'd need it some day).
• Plug in TV and DVD/VHS player.
• Turn on TV. Juice!
• Turn on DVD/VHS player. Juice!

Time spent: about 2 hrs.

• Set TV to "airwave" - get blue screen and "no signal" message.
• Be unhappy. Plugging in a TV should not be this much work.
  
• Attempt to switch TV input to DVD/VHS unit - but fail at using buttons on TV.
• Find remote for new TV. Put in batteries. Scroll TV through input options till DVD/VHS player is found (AV3).
• Everyone is blue.
• Change DVDs. Everyone is still blue.
• Disconnect DVD-to-TV wires, 1 at a time in different combos. Either lose signal or make everyone red.
• Reconnect everything - color is magically repaired.
• Reattempt TV input from airwaves - still fail.
• Connect crappy (and broken) rabbit ear antennae directly to TV (was running through player).
• Use remote to make TV detect airwave channels.
• Discover I now have about 4 times more channels than before!! Can't get some stations (ABC, ABC DT) but figure I'll work that out later (a non-broken antennae??).
• Wonder why HD channels are in different aspect ratio. Don't care. Enjoy AMAZINGLY CLEAR signals and wonder JEEBUS, WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME HD RECEPTION WAS THIS MUCH BETTER - and adds so many channels?!?!
• Start to cleanup disaster area created by last 3 hours of annoyance. Find TV user manual. Find out use for remote contol buttons labeled "S Mode" (sound options), "P Mode" (picture color options), and "P size" (normal, wide, zoom, cinema, and letterbox). Learn that "cinema" stretches HD channels to full screen.
• Get happy. Stop fucking with things for fear of screwing them up.
• Finish cleanup (old TV now on living room floor). Take boxes and bags to recycle bin. Find that Tantric Sex & Steve Martin books - ordered from Amazon late Thursday - have, even with free shipping option, been delivered in roughly 36 hrs instead of estimated 9 days. Get happier.
• Go back inside. Continue to be amazed by clearer reception. Feel like I'm staying at a hotel.
  
• Blog.