LeendaDLL’s Neighborhood

Thank you, California Supreme Court, for finally making this right.  

I thought I would try a new approach to this whole, looking for freelance work thing. Sure, being angry and panicky and all fearing the fear of failure is really good for my mental health and my husband just loves being around me when I'm like that - but I thought maybe I'd go out on a crazy, bald, umbrella slinging whim and try a different way of thinking.

I've been trying to make a lot of changes, lately. When I got back from Tokyo I was all, "Fuck this! This is my life! My L-I-F-E! It's short! I gotta start doing shit! HARDCORE." And then like magic, the Universe was all, "Hah-hah, Grasshopper. You want change? You think you want to live your life, HARDCORE!? YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND, SUCKA." And, like magic, my job refused to stop paying my obscenely high, trillion figure salary which then resulted in me making the decision to peace out.

So, in the midst of panicking and worrying about money and breathing in bags of all shapes, sizes and colors - I'm trying to...redecorate and refurbish my life.

See, I love myself. A lot. But I feel like somewhere over the past two years I went from being a really cute shabby chic studio apartment to being a 2 bedroom,1 bath cottage that sort of resemble the shabby chic studio aparment, but wtih considerably more room in both the rear and middle section. The owner started to feel really bad about the house, but was too busy enjoying red wine and pizza and sleeping in late to like, mow the lawn, get new furniture or replace the peeling wallpaper.

So, my goal is to refurbish the house, inside and out, to being the spacious one bedroom studio apartment with funky furniture, colorful walls and a tiny yet bountiful garden in front.

So, to do that, I've here's what I've been doing:

*  While I may not seem like the yoga type, I totally dig it. I've always to get ball bendy and stretchy and to be less homicidal and more zen, so I'm doing yoga once a week.

* I always look at cute girls with glasses and am filled with jealous rage, so I'm going to take my ass to Specsavers and get some cute glasses.

* I'm going to the gym! And working out! And lifting weights, and trying to, oh I don't know, fit into the hot jeans I used to wear when I first moved here. Imagine! JUST IMAGINE. If I could get my ass into US size 6s or 8s again, I would be SOOOO HAPPY!!!! (Fat and happy, I'm over it. I'm cool being thin and content. Or how about thinnish and not hating how her body looks every single fucking day of her life. My that sounds nice.)

* I've seriously been taking vitamins. Vitamins for my hair and skin, a multivitamin, and these nifty effervescent Vitamin C tablets. This really isn't that big of a deal, but I just wanted to type the word effervescent. It's my favorite new word.)

I'm trying to calm. I'm trying to center. I'm trying to get my shit together and move forward so I don't feel like a stagnant twat all the time. I just feel like I haven't DONE anything. It's horrible, and I defend myself all the time saying, "I'm not LUCKY! I had to WORK for all this!!!!!"

But I don't know if believe that anymore. Since picking up and moving here, I don't feel like I've been particularly brave or proactive about anything. Yes, I did a damn good at my job. Yes, I was asked to be on TV and in a magazine and to give some quotes here and there and was basically handed a writing job.

In my heart, I want to work my ass off. I want to be brave. I want to be tired and excited all of the time, and to take a massive risk, and then get to bask in the glow of my success.

But at the moment, I have to admit, I'm so scared of actually working that hard. I'm scared of taking a risk, because what if that glow doesn't come?

What if I'm the girl who moved here and then had some good shit happen to her...and then have that be it?

That can't be it.

I won't let it be it...but I have to admit I've been sitting here with a few tools and a shopping list of supplies I need to refurbish my "house"...and I feel like all I can do is sit and stare at my To-Do list through tearful eyes.

I can do this. I will do this.

It's just a shame getting started has to be this hard.

We finally have reception.

I don't know if you can fully understand how utterly freaking fantastic that little thing is.

Our television is finally receiving clear pictures.

Once upon a time we got clear reception. That was way back in our Pay TV days. Back when it was analogue. Back when we could afford it. Then Foxtel changed its service to digital and hiked its price up. We decided to get ADSL internet instead and bought a set of rabbit ears for on top of the television (not only do our drains not work but the roof-top antenna has never worked either. We live under such third world conditions). Since then everything has been very fuzzy and vague. Which is fine if you're drinking, but not so fine under any other circumstances.

I bought a cheap digital set-top box online a few weeks ago, thinking that if nothing else we might be able to get clear digital TV. I wasn't going to get my hopes up because the digital set-top box would still be plugged into the rabbit-ears which may not have been up to the task. Hello pleasant surprise! Not only do we get the digital channels, the normal free-to-air channels are coming in as clear as a bell too! (Except Channel 31, which wouldn't bother me except a friend of ours is in one of the TV shows on that channel.)

Woo hoo! I'm off to watch telly now. If only there was something on worth watching....

I'm so popular on vox that I dont have ten messages, I dont even have one message, or zero messages, I have LESS THAN ZERO messages!

...and I drank myself into oblivion instead.

My dear friend Isabelle had a housewarming party this past Saturday, and it was what the Brits call a "fancy dress" party. Personally, when I hear fancy dress it strikes fear into my heart because I don't have any fancy dresses and JESUS that means I would probably have to shave my legs or something. And wear nylons.

I hate nylons.

But actually, Fancy Dress = Costume Party, which = MUCHO GRANDE FUN.

The theme of said party was "heroes" (not the show)  and my hero, naturally, is a crackhead, scabby, emaciated, incredibly talented singer with a giant beehive and an incarcerated husband.

Behold the glory that is me as Amy Winehouse.

I'm not sure if halfway during the evening I decided that I really was Amy Winehouse or if the beehive made me feel like I could handle more alcohol than usual that night...but I definitely was, um, fucked up to say the least. I started out pulling my best "hammered Wino face"  in pictures at the beginning of the night, and then as things progressed, I'm pretty sure wasn't acting.

No, no, no...

What are your top five break-up songs?
Submitted by gt.

First, I discovered this link, which takes you to the Cannes Short Film of 2008 site;

That led to this link. which takes you to a playlist of the top 9 short films of 2008 on YouTube.

And then I discovered you can embed a widget to play all of them - so here it is.  But if you go to YouTube, some are high quality and can be played big screen.

I never sussed out the voting, though.  If you do, please let me know how in the comments.  Voting is by rating - rate each video, and the one with the most wins a special Viewers Award (or whatever they call it) at Cannes.

I have managed to watch two so far.  Interesting.

What are your top five break-up songs?
Submitted by gt.

I've only got one.

When you've got a song like this you don't need any more break-up songs. ;-)